50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts
by NorthChild97
Summary: Just random stuff that I would love to do at Hogwarts but would not be allowed to :    LOTS BETTER THAN THE SUMMARY. I SUCK AT THEM.  PLS R&R!


**50 Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts**

**Summary: Just a little list of stuff that I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts but really want to... LOTS BETTER THAN IT SOUNDS. PLS R&R! **

**Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:**

**1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.**

**2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.**

**3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.**

**4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.**

**5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.**

**6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.**

**7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."**

**8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.**

**9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."**

**10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.**

**12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."**

**13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."**

**14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.**

**15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.**

**16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.**

**17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.**

**18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."**

**19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.**

**20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.**

**21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort. **

**22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.**

**23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.**

**24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."**

**25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.**

**26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.**

**27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.**

**28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colours indicate that they're "covered in bees."**

**29) I will not go to class skyclad.**

**30) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.**

**31) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.**

**32) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.**

**33) I will not call the Weasley twins, "bookends."**

**34) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."**

**35) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of its clothing does not make it mine. **

**36) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.**

**37) I will not lick Trevor the toad.**

**38) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."**

**39) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.**

**40) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself too seriously.**

**41) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.**

**42) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.**

**43) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.**

**44) I must not run through the Great Hall screaming 'TROLL, IN THE DUNGEONE' especially not on Halloween...**

**45) I must not make a prophecy up in which I marry Harry Potter.**

**46) I must not predict the death of Ginny Weasley in Divination.**

**47) I must not stupefy Ginny Weasley and then tell everyone she's been petrified.**

**48) I must not curse Ginny Weasley because she's spoken to Harry Potter and I haven't.**

**49) I must stop obsessing over Ginny Weasley's death and my marrying Harry Potter because it's never going to happen...**

**50) ...unless I kill Ginny... **


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